November 21st 2005
The year was 1968 and I was sitting in a hotel bar in
Bellied up to the bar with my scotch I began to hopelessly flirt with a woman sitting on the other side of the bar. I kept raising my eyebrows at her, comically, and every once in a while the red-haired beauty would laugh.
“No need to get excited Scoop; it’s just an old friend.”
Indeed it was an old friend, Bobby Bell, Chief linebacker and All-American for the Minnesota Golden Gophers. I told Bobby that was one hell of a game. Just then a bunch of lollygaggers came strolling in making all sorts of noise, ordering shots of whiskey. One of the fellows had a horseshoe stuck in the loop of his pants normally reserved for a hammer. I asked
“Those boys are in town for the horse shoe championships.”
His eyes became serious; I stared down
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked him. He said he didn’t know, he guessed.
“You might as well leave that bottle here,
He slapped the bottle down and I poured a round for Bobby and I.
“You see the kid in the torn up cowboy hat, he’s the best horseshoe thrower in the world.” Bobby told me.
“Yeah, is that a sport, Bell?”
“Yep.”
I looked at the man and the baby face below his tattered cowboy hat.
“What’s that whippersnapper’s name?”
“Dan Kuchcinski. He was on Johnny Carson last Spring.”
“I’ll be damned,
Bobby nodded then his deep voice filled the room.
“Kuchcinski, come here a second.” Kuchcinski slid up to us and asked“Howdy?”
“I’m Bobby Bell and this is my friend Scoop Miller. So you were on Johnny Carson?”
“Yep.”
“What did you do?”
“I pitched a couple shoes at Mr. Carson’s head, dead ringers, just below his chin.”
“No kidding.”
I asked him where he was from, he says, “
I was staring at this northern cowboy’s eyes and he looked like a madman. This is when things took an unfortunate turn when Bell goaded the northern irrational cowboy.
“I’ll give you a hundred bucks to throw a shoe at Scoop’s head.” My eyes got huge and my mouth opened even wider than it already is. I looked the bizarre cowboy in the eyes and generally feared for my handsome face. Next thing I know we’re piled in the back of a pick up truck and I have no idea what’s going on.
We show up at a horseshoe pit and I said “you’re going to risk this handsome face” Bell quickly replied “I’ll give you a hundred dollars too, Scoop.” I was on my knees faster than a referee raising his arms when the ball crosses the goal line.
Forty feet away, Kuchcinski was armed with a horseshoe pointed at my head. He told me to put my hands on the end of the stake, and then put my chin on my hands. I looked into his eyes one last time; he looked like a lunatic. Bell was laughing the entire time and I could hear those evil cackles as the shoe left Kuchcinski’s hand. I held my breath. Dead ringer.
I asked Kuchcinski what his secret was and he said,
“Scoop, you have to let the weight of the shoe work for ya.”
“Whats?”
“You have to let the weight of the shoe work for you, when it leaves your hand, the weight is what takes over, pace, weight and height.”
My first pitch broke someone’s windshield. I haven’t pitched a horseshoe since 1968 and really hadn’t thought about it until I watched Larry Johnson scurrying around and through the Texans; a bowling ball loose in a gymnasium where a world record domino set up is taking place; his big body hovering over those quick feet as he moves forward naturally; an effortless and taut scoring machine. The
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